It's been a while since I've updated this little series on my blog but if you're interested in my progression through A2, uni open days and offer days and actually receiving my offers, definitely go and check those out too! Also, if you want to share any of your applying to uni experiences, I would love to hear them! But, today I'm hear to talk about how I feel my exams went and the emotions I'm having as the lead up to results day continues. I had a countdown reminder earlier that it's a month until results day and I'm honestly so unsure on how to feel about that. I'm nervous because obviously it's going to change my life but I just want it to be here now because I'm very impatient and also incredibly anxious about what my results are going to be.

So, my exams were definitely something. I had revised so much and before them, I had actually kidded myself that I was prepared ish but I did not feel like that when I sat the exams. I honestly don't feel as though I've got into my first choice or insurance(Exeter and Bristol) which is causing me increasing anxiety because I just really hoped to be at Exeter in September but those exams did not go in my favour. For example, my first sociology exam has made me certain I'm getting an E overall despite my predicted A grade because the questions were so horribly worded and I honestly had no idea what to write. I know there's nothing I can do about it now though and what will be, will be. It's just frustrating when I worked so hard for it to go so wrong.

As a person who experiences a great deal of anxiety, it was just bizarre for me to be somewhat chill about my first exam. Like, GCSE Lauryn would have been a sweating mess but I just didn't feel panicked at all(that soon changed when I got into the exam) so at least I'm relatively proud of how, for the most part, I was able to maintain my nerves this year because we all know that too much anxiety can decrease recall(Yerkes Dodson law joke for fellow psychology, lol). I feel as though my stress was reduced this year regarding the actual exam procedures due to the arrangements I had put in place where I sat my exams in an isolated room because let's face it, that exam hall is a thing of nightmares. However, there were instances *cough* 3 hr English lit exam *cough* where my school thought it would be a GREAT idea to let a lower sixth band play incredibly loud which completely disrupted my exam, leaving me with an awful headache and anger. As well as only having a 25 minute break between that and a 2h30 sociology exam, that day was not a good day. I was supposed to have an hour break but they moved my second one half an hour forward without even consulting me, I just won't miss that school.

At the moment, I'm having daily dreams(nightmares) about results day, failing everything and having to resit the year which to anyone that knows me, will be absolute hell for me as I couldn't wait to see the back of compulsory education which you can read about here. It's also really starting to infuriate me when people say "Oh, you will get into your first choice" because I'm all for believing in others and giving encouragement but at the end of the day, I'm the one who sat those exams, I'm the one who had no idea what to write for half the questions and so, really I am the only one who can give an indication of how I've done. That may sound harsh and it's probably the pre results day nerves getting to me but I just wish people would stop trying to plant false hope in my mind. I just hope that my next university update will be positive.

What are your plans for the rest of the year?